When I grow up

My mom and dad leave me every day at home alone.  Ok, not alone, I’m with Lacie, but I consider her one of my toys, so really I’m alone.

Lonely Lola Pout

They say they HAVE to go because they have to to work so they can make moneys to buy me raw hides and string cheese.  Which is silly, because my human mom and dad have no cool talents like being Professors of Squirrology like Lacie is, so who has enough crazies in the head to pay them to do anything??  I say, I should become the new cheese winner, and leave them at home all day while I earn the moneys.  Things I have in mind to do (Lacie can be my sidekick/coworker):

1) Goose hunting.  I hear there are geese around, pooping all over nice grassy places and the humans don’t want to pick up the poop.  Solution?  Lacie and I can run around and chase them away so they don’t poop on the grass.  We would call ourselves the “Goose Busters.”

2) Doggy fashion model.  I’m very cute, and I look even cuter dressed in really elaborate dog clothes.  And I heard of something called a “Cat Walk” that has my name written ALL over it.

3) Dish cleaner.   My mom puts her dishes in this machine to get them all clean, but I’m telling you, my tongue would do a WAAAAY better job of getting the extra food bits off.

4) Person finder.  Sometimes humans lose other humans.  I don’t know how (humans must not be all that smart), but it happens.  I hear it on the TV all the time.  So they should give me moneys to find the people.  I play hide and seek with my human parents all the time and I always find them.  (Ok, maybe Lacie beats me to it, but she’ll be my sidekick in human finding, so no biggie).  With my nose and Lacies OCD, no human would go unfound.

5) Therapy dog.  This is totally my favorite job ever!  I heard my mom talking about it once and ever since then I told myself, when I grow up I want to be a therapy dog.  I hear that all you have to do is get touched.  By humans.  ALL DAY LONG.  OMG, that is so awesome.  Can I lick them too?  Do I have to stand still?  Cuz touching usually makes me very very wiggly.

So interweb humans, do you know of any openings in the above professions?  I’m pretty sure my humans could stay at home all day long by themselves.  I haven’t crate trained them or anything, but they seem to be able to hold their pee till they get to the bathroom.