The stare

Did you ever want something really really really bad?  I know all you humans care about is pleasing your pet, but lets pretend that you had something you wanted and it was all you could think about.  Like a piece of chicken.  Or a romp in the forest.  Or, if you’re my mom, some really shiny pretty red shoes that have not been chewed.  Do you wanna know how to get what you really want?  I will explain.  Why should you listen?  Because, I always get what I want.

You must first perfect the “stare.”  Remove all the happy from your face and replace it with concentrated “want.”   Then perk your ears up slightly (or if  you’re a human, pout your lips) and turn to the victim of your stare.  Focus.  It should look like this:

Keep still. Hold the stare until they break to your will.

Once your victim is captured by the stare, turn toward the object of your desire and stare at it.

Stare focused on dinner bowl

Then return your eyes to your victim and back to the object of desire.  Back and forth, upping the focus of “want” in your eyes.  After a few minutes one of two things will happen.  You will either get exactly what you want, or you will get an even better substitute.  This works well when what you want is not in visible range.  For example if you want to romp in the forest but you can’t see the forest, all you can see is the door.  Then you can stare at your victim and stare at the door, and soon you will receive the romp you want.

Ready for my romp in the forest

Now that you know this secret you will be the master of your universe!  Until you encounter someone who has a better stare than you.  So if your wants maybe include my furry goose, you’re outta luck.


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